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And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-4 NIV “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance perseverance, character and character, hope. I have suffered too.” I heard the death, the burial, and resurrection in a whole new light that day. God came alongside me that day to let me know, “ I’m so sorry you are going through what you are going through, but if anyone knows your pain, it’s Me. As I was sitting in the chair listening to the Easter message I’ve heard hundreds of times, God whispered in my ear, “ My Son died too.” Oddly as this sounds, our family got up and went to church on Easter only three days after his passing. But God is so good and has plans beyond what we can imagine. Needless to say, as a mother, I was heartbroken-beyond hurting and suffering in the anguish of the loss of our son. As quick as I saw our son take his first breath into this world, I saw him take his last breath as I held him in my arms. We had no idea how deadly this kidney disease was in babies until the doctors told us two weeks later that they had done everything they could-there was nothing else they could do. After twenty-four hours of tests and examinations, the doctors diagnosed him with polycystic kidney disease. But, immediately after he was born, we knew something was wrong. He was our third child, whom we were expecting to be born healthy. Nine years ago, my husband endured a loss no parent should ever have to endure-the loss of our son, Bowen. There is a time for everything in all seasons of our lives and something we never anticipate is the season to mourn. I am very thankful Jen asked me to join this cultivate series, writing on the topic of suffering and grief.

We are faced with lingering, unanswered questions of ‘what if’ and ‘what now?’ But what if those unknowns can become closed chapters in our lives and leave us with the finalization of ‘this will never be’? These closed chapters can be painful and cause us to question God’s goodness, asking Him, ‘why would You allow this to happen to me?’ There are many unknowns in our life that can leave us feeling like there are half empty chapters in our story.